I’ve tried being direct. I’m a direct person, and very much unconcerned with my safety, apparently. Don’t really think about safety before mouthing off. Probably should, but meh. I’d have to be a different me, and that’s not happening.
For the record, I’m not saying any of this applies to you at all. Just my experience and observations.
Dudes who choose not to hear a soft no (something they understand in every other context, because that’s normal human interaction stuff) also don’t want to hear a hard no.
For example, I was once leaving a place I’d gone to get food. I was reading comic books while sitting at the bar, and didn’t talk to anyone but staff. Nobody tried, including me. It was clear to anyone who looked that I was not there to socialize.
On my way out, some dude was like “hey baby!” From across the parking lot. I didn’t even turn around and yelled “not interested!”. He replied “I’m not trying to fuck you, bitch” (rofl, sure) so in my gushiest most sing-song mocking voice “not interested in a conversation either!” To which I got “no wonder you sat here alone”
No shit? Like… so you got all the cues I wanted to be left alone and STILL bothered me? But not until I was away from the safety of other people?
That’s why women don’t bother being direct. Dudes already pick up that they aren’t interested, they just ignore it. Safety doesn’t even necessarily need to factor in. Being direct is difficult to do because humans almost never directly say no, and it is ignored anyway, so why bother doijg the hard thing if they are just gunna be assholes anyway?
managing people in a sales environment taught me that you need to see it coming and filling a restraining order before it’s an even worse problem. like… you need legal barriers somewhere between ‘you’re cute’ and ‘when is her next shift?’ The idea that you’re going to convince that guy to walk away is delusional. You have to make them consider prison.
Tbh, I prefer a direct rejection instead of having to guess.
That being said, I understand why women aren’t direct. Their safety is more important than alleviating my anxiety.
I’ve tried being direct. I’m a direct person, and very much unconcerned with my safety, apparently. Don’t really think about safety before mouthing off. Probably should, but meh. I’d have to be a different me, and that’s not happening.
For the record, I’m not saying any of this applies to you at all. Just my experience and observations.
Dudes who choose not to hear a soft no (something they understand in every other context, because that’s normal human interaction stuff) also don’t want to hear a hard no.
For example, I was once leaving a place I’d gone to get food. I was reading comic books while sitting at the bar, and didn’t talk to anyone but staff. Nobody tried, including me. It was clear to anyone who looked that I was not there to socialize.
On my way out, some dude was like “hey baby!” From across the parking lot. I didn’t even turn around and yelled “not interested!”. He replied “I’m not trying to fuck you, bitch” (rofl, sure) so in my gushiest most sing-song mocking voice “not interested in a conversation either!” To which I got “no wonder you sat here alone”
No shit? Like… so you got all the cues I wanted to be left alone and STILL bothered me? But not until I was away from the safety of other people?
That’s why women don’t bother being direct. Dudes already pick up that they aren’t interested, they just ignore it. Safety doesn’t even necessarily need to factor in. Being direct is difficult to do because humans almost never directly say no, and it is ignored anyway, so why bother doijg the hard thing if they are just gunna be assholes anyway?
Ayup. I’ve literally told a man to his face “fuck off, i’m not interested.” and still had to get HR involved
managing people in a sales environment taught me that you need to see it coming and filling a restraining order before it’s an even worse problem. like… you need legal barriers somewhere between ‘you’re cute’ and ‘when is her next shift?’ The idea that you’re going to convince that guy to walk away is delusional. You have to make them consider prison.