It’s great for us all to be the best we can be, and to always be working to improve.
“Perfect” is an abstract idea - it’s not really applicable to something as complicated as a human. Not just because it isn’t obtainable, but because we definitely would never be able to agree what the criteria are.
If you are tense and emotionally uncomfortable and/or the doctor is rough or rushed or just uncaring = it can be a bad experience.
Generally speaking the speculum is not comfortable but not painful. It is there so they can use a swab to get a sample from the woman’s cervix to check for abnormal/cancer cells. Some women don’t even feel the swab and others find it painful - most feel it but don’t find it particularly painful. If they do find problematic cells they cut a little bit off the cervix for testing.
I have always had nice doctors - when I was younger I felt a little weirded out - but never uncomfortable or in any pain. Until I had a cervical biopsy- which did hurt and left me cramping for a bit. But it hurt at around the level it hurts to get stuck with a needle when you give blood. Yes, it hurt - but not severe.
It’s just much much more scary to hurt in a sensitive area then it is to hurt on, say, your arm.
Absolutely humans are deeply affected on conscious and unconscious levels by all kinds of things that are out of their control - both experiences and brain chemistry. Absolutely it is a privilege afforded to only a few to have access to the support and resources needed to become aware of their situation and create deep change for themselves.
It’s also true that if you do a bad thing you did a bad thing. That does NOT mean you are a bad person, it does NOT mean all the things you can’t or couldn’t control are your responsibility, it does NOT mean that you even were fully aware of what you did.
But if you do a bad thing you are responsible for what you did. YOU did it. It is your responsibility to get on a path that will allow you to recognize and change that behavior.
It is nobody’s job to be perfect or beat themselves up for mistakes. It is everyone’s job to work towards being better - to themselves and to the people around them.
Part of that is understanding that you are responsible for your actions. You may genuinely not have been capable of making a better choice at the time - but if you did it = it’s on you to own the mistake.
So I am a girl. I feel like it’s not controversial to say the obvious = on average men are taller and stronger than women.
This does not mean you can assume the height of someone knowing their gender. It does not mean that tall women are less female / somehow masculine, or that short men are less male / more feminine.
It bothers me that we are fine with “on average men are taller/stronger”, but we can’t even bring up the subject of “are there intellectual differences” without upsetting people.
I say this as a woman whose brain is good at some things that men are more often drawn to. My experience is that of course there are women who are drawn to / excel at data structures and programming… I am one of them. But on average men are more likely to be good at that sort of work. I know some of that is because of cultural norms / social pressure, but “some”, not “all”.
I’m female so I can say this without getting hauled into HR for diversity training, but there are men who are called sexist for even brining it up.
I don’t think it’s sexist to acknowledge that testosterone and estrogen have different effects on a developing human brain.
I DO think it’s sexist that we pay top dollar for engineering expertise and next to nothing to people who teach and care for children - which in my mind is both more difficult to do well and FAR more important.
I know sex is a different topic than race, but… it feels culturally sensitive in a similar way I guess?