Music just to let me know I’m still connected. Preferably instrumental, no vocals. And FUCKING STOP coming on every 30sec “your call is important to us…” making me think the agent picked up FFS.

I’m sure it isn’t a coincidence, he has to pull off a near impossible hit in Paris for his boss after fucking up a hit in San Francisco, and the author took a trip to Paris himself about a year or two ago.

That’s the name of the main char in the book I’m reading lol, Brut by Sam Tallent. Gay spy thriller lol, pretty good!

The (well, my state’s) website doesn’t ask about registering to vote with online address changes, I know that for sure because I’ve done that fairly recently.

But interesting, I’ve never been denied for a signature not matching and now I wonder why.

To be fair, I’m now (well recently, little late now) being told that we can’t trust the machines to be accurate make sure you vote early by mail yadda yadda Trump blah blah, so who knows.

But more to the point, have you ever done anything and not gotten caught? Tree falls in the woods and all. It’s not like voting for Bruce Campbell leaves behind evidence that I’m not Steve, they are not checking the cameras, Steve isn’t just gonna haul off and vote by surprise, he’s not dead unless I haven’t been informed of a tragic accident today, nobody even knows a crime occurred but me, how do you count that in your stats? You don’t.

are you smarter than state election officials and the DoJ?

Yeah apparently.

And even if one of you is, scale that up. How many people are as magical as you?

I’d imagine more than you’d think, I’m not Neo I just say my name is Steve and they say “here you go Steve” and then I say “thank you have a nice day” and leave. It’s exactly like the process for voting regularly, I’m just not the guy I say I am, it isn’t rocket surgery.

You mean “life?”

Another one? Great it’s been a few years. Don’t know how many more chances I’ll get before Bruce dies and I haven’t picked his replacement yet.

My friend is very much alive so I doubt he’ll show up on the list of dead people, I will concede however that it’ll become much harder to do when he does die (but SO much funnier, a dead guy voting for Bruce Campbell? The irony.)

Yeah, the list can be double checked, but they don’t know that I’m Steve for the afternoon, because the real Steve is at work and then probably ordering a pizza, as long as he doesn’t die at work before I cast his vote I’m home free. There’s no double Steve there’s only double me, but one of me is wearing a figurative fake moustache in the form of “Hello my name is Steve Rizzo” [name changed to protect the innocent] and a different polling place.

Huh, I done googled it, and it appears we were lied to, but my high school told us all that was the case. I guess I just forgot that I must have separately registered to vote? Or maybe I live in one of those states, idk, it was decades ago to be fair, but we were for sure told that in order to vote we had to register for the draft. Glad to learn it isn’t true, thanks!

I guess you’re right then, he had to have registered at some point (or we live in one of the auto states). Also probably why you shouldn’t make your signature some squiggles though…

And odd that they haven’t called me on the fact that my actual signature has changed since then, since I worked on it at one point out of boredom.

But how exactly? Only the ones who got caught? Self reporting?

How? How do you specifically know I specifically don’t write in Bruce Campbell for my friend every presidential election because I think it’s fucking hilarious? I’ve never been caught, for all they know he really thinks the president should have a Boomstick to save us from Deadites.

What do you think they review security cam footage? Think the nameless volunteer who has never met me nor my friend is going to notice that I’m not really Steve I’m actually three kids in a trenchcoat?

If your friend votes

Covered that already:

he’d have to vote for once to catch me.

There’s a reason I’m referring to my non-voting friend as non-voting, it’s to imply that he doesn’t vote, so that kinda sorta precludes the whole “he votes” thing anyway because the premise is that he does not, in fact, vote.

they also probably didn’t bother to register.

He was born with a penis, he’s registered for the draft since 18 and therefore to vote since 18 as well, because those are coupled for people born with a penis. Unless he changes his name (unlikely) or political affiliation (for what, to vote in primaries? He doesn’t vote.) Technically he should re-register because he changed his address, but again why would he if he doesn’t vote? Literally no consequences could befall him, there’s no incentive for him to do it. Bro I’m still registered at my mom’s despite having bought a house (which the government knows about because it’s public info), because it’s easier to just drive 15min to my old polling place every few years than to go fill out a form, been doing it for years, and I vote! There’s no way in hell he’s ever going to change that address from his parents’ just to continue not voting.

You need someone you know registered

Literally all 18+ AMABs in the US

and you know isn’t going to vote.

Know any AMABs that don’t vote? There’s one right there. Not as uncommon as you might think.

it doesn’t

who does it, almost exclusively republicans, and how it happens generally, which is dead relatives

Pick one lol.

But how do you know I don’t go vote in place of my friend every time and write in Bruce Campbell because I think it’s funny, and I just don’t get caught? There’s literally no way to know, he’d have to vote for once to catch me.

It’s like my mom said when I was a kid “you get caught EVERY TIME you do bad stuff…” yes mom, every time. Pay no attention to the 500 nights you didn’t catch me sneaking out, must not have snuck out yup that’s it, nothing to see here…

You LITERALLY cannot register to vote without already being a fucking citizen.

True, but without taking IDs at polling places, I can go claim to be my non-voting friend without even needing a disguise.

Not that I’m saying it’s common (nor could any of us possibly know if it was), but it is possible.

I’ve never once had to prove I am whoever I say I am at the little table they set up, “if I wasn’t, then why would I say I am” always works.

Tbf both seem to care just as much. But don’t worry, once we get a different middle manager he’ll get us pepperoni for our Corporate Family Fun Pizza Parties™ that we’ll be getting instead of healthcare.

A literal court case affirming that the DNC isn’t obligated to respect the will of its voters is “just” a “talking point” or “propaganda?”

Methinks your catchy little slogan “vote blue no matter who” is actually the propaganda/talking point, pot meet kettle.

Honestly there’s more punchees than punchers, we can take them.

Tbf you can only talk about killing republicans, democrats can do no wrong.

Now remember to go vote in the primaries even though the DNC won a court case on the basis of “we’re a private corporation and therefore do not have an obligation to provide a fair process to voters, we can act in the interest of the Party Leaders™ instead,” that’ll help!

(Wilding, et. al. v. DNC Services, d/b/a DNC and Deborah “Debbie” Wasserman Schultz)

E: haha don’t downvote the messenger, it’s your precious DNC that did it, go downvote them! Oh you can’t because “vote blue no matter who” huh? How’s that working out?

I can’t use AI in my job, because I manufacture.

But the HR lady can use it to make policies that are fucking stupid and my direct boss can use it to create an app to more effectively micromanage us without having to actually do the micromanaging himself so he has free time to blow his boss and cook breakfast for 30min on the clock every day.

So yeah I’m not a fan.

only for it to to be completely devalued with speed as the main focus.

Welcome to the rest of the world. All middle managers and C suite dickheads know is “hurry up and get it done,” they’ve entirely lost the concept of “slow is smooth and smooth is fast.”

The middle manager above my direct supervisor regularly clocks in late every day (and that’s after a 3h time difference no less, and it doesn’t seem he understands timezones either), and then with about 1.5h left in my day suddenly “hey stop what you’re doing and get this 3h of work done by the end of the day, but also no you can’t work OT.” Like “hey dickhead, it’s physically impossible to do that,” but of course instead of telling him, my direct supervisor just pulls that guy’s penis out of his mouth for long enough to say “yes sir” and tell me to break the laws of physics.