Hey congrats :) I went through a similar arc of obsession with women full of unqualified yearning that I struggled to understand and cope with. A lot of your ‘egg behavior’ is probably making a lot of sense right now.
Transitioning later in life does present its own challenges but I assure you that most of the trans women I know even ones who transitioned pretty young feel similar about missing out on some things. Just part and parcel of being in the wrong body.
You should talk to a therapist. planned parenthood is a perfect choice when you’re ready to discuss HRT. Also look up and read the Gender Dysphoria Bible. Most importantly start finding your community both online and IRL. There are lots of active ‘ trans later’ communities where you will find support and guidance.
It is never too late to find yourself and live your truth. I wouldn’t trade a single year of living as the woman I was meant to be for a dozen extra years living miserably in the wrong body. Good luck and congrats again.
Planned Parenthood handles HRT in many states. I have been getting my HRT through them for years with no issues at all.