Fairly simple:

Female as an adjective: acceptable, except when used unnecessarily to suggest their being female is an “other” category or otherwise seems irrelevant (e.g. “I went to the female podiatriast to get my ingrown toenail taken care of” or “I got cut off by a female driver on my way to work.”)

Female as a noun: unacceptable, except in descriptive reports or scientific/medical references where the use of “female” can essentially be short for “female subject”, (e.g. “white female, five foot seven, blonde, with a tattoo on right forearm” or “the female of the species tends to be larger than the males…”)

Basically, adjective: yes, when relevant

Noun: no, unless your are specifically supposed to by policy or convention.

I live in a small town on an island with 8k people in it that has its own international airport. I arrive an hour before if I have checked bags, drop bags off, go home, pick up the family, drop them off at the airport, drop the car off next door at my work, walk back to the airport, walk through security and board the plane.

Pretty nice!

I heard that one as Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm, and continuing from your joke, the police officer arrests all of them. Ohm resists.