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As a man, I can confirm this. It took me being raped (and a few years of bottling it up to even consciously come to the realisation that I was indeed raped) to do away with nearly two decades of indirect conditioning by “lad culture” and mass media et al to see why it goes unreported most of the time.

(mind you I was raped by a woman, AND the same woman falsely accused me of rape, harassment, and a number of other awful things)

My Step father started grooming my sister when she was ten. Her chore thay day was to clean the kitchen. He told her to use a bucket and rag, not the mop, so he could “watch her ass” while she cleaned. His ten year old, biological, daughter.

He told her if she ever told anyone, it would break up the whole family, and everyone would think she was a whore.

My sister lived a double life from that early age of ten, until she was 15. He would tell her, "you have to [Do this sexual thing] or Im not buying groceries for the family and it will be your fault. He did this for christmas presents, after school activities, any time he could withold finacially from “the family” he would make her do stuff.

No one knew.

meanwhile, he was serverely beating the shit outta all of us if any of us got out of line. My brother and I werent allowed to hang out with friends, ever. We went to school, and we went home. If we werent working on the farm, we were trapped on our rooms. In the last few years, I wouldnt even be allowed out of my room for weeks at a time, not even to use the bathroom. He’d take the house phone with him whenever he left, so we could never call anyone. My brother stood up to him once, and he chocked out my 12 year old brother against a wall, his feet dangled. I saw it happen.
We found out after, he was often choking out my sister in her sleep, and shed wake to him trying to kill her. Shed wake, and hed stop, and just mutter, “Sorry” and walk away. When my dear sister found out I was cutting… she did the right thing, and told the adult. He came to me and said, “next time you feel like doing this, make sure you do it the right way”.

I had asked my sister a few times, if “anything was going on”. She always said no. Until one fall day, she broke the fuck down and told me everything. We cried together for hours. I was 16, she 15. I told the school the next day. Thankfully he admitted everything. When the state came in, im sure they found mt poop bucket. They saw his room was a bed, in a pile of beer cans. They saw the falling down house. We were never allowed back there to get our things. “The family” let my dog run away and didnt tell me for a month. We did lose everything, our pets and possesions alike.

In court he said he thought she was his wife, and also mentioned he had been raped as a youth by an uncle.

When sentencing came, the max was 25 years. They asked us kids for our imput. His sister, my aunt, took us in after he was arrested. She was the one to relay our answer. We all said the maximum. She told the contact, we all said the minimum. He was sentenced for ten years. He served 8. For a very long time, over a decade after, I regretting not, well killing him that morning before school. This aunt also made fun of me for telling on my step father. The woman despised me for “what I did”.

This man absolutely ruined three lives. He didnt murder us no, but he murdered our hearts, our courage, our self worth. None of us are right. My brother and sister are still very fucked up people and its been about 25 years since thay day.

8 years, let out for “good behavior”. Owns a house again now, none of his kids own anything. We all have CPTSD. I will be im therapy for the rest of my life probably. My siblings and I dont talk anymore. the other two refuse therapy, and their maladaptive coping is… apparent. My sister cant even live in this state. She fears so much, she will run into him. My brother, still talks to that side of the family, and has stalked women he was interested in, like, actully stalked. Its so messed up.

This man took my sister from me, and only got 8 years. Least he got that- I know too many who got off scott free. I have multiple non reported rapes myself. Mostly from the same person. My grandfather raped all his three daughters, died without it ever coming to light.

I was horrified to see that she was swatted the other day. They literally tried to kill her by police.

It took my mom decades to see the truth about what happened to her as a little girl. She didn’t tell my grandmother until a couple years ago. Heartbreaking.

It’s one of the many reasons that blaming victims should be called out each and every time. It’s imperative to be honest about these crimes and to believe victims when they come forward.