All I can say is Muigi Langione.

Lotta weed

I got banned for racism for making fun of a nonexistent race. My comment was mocking racism.

Yeah, it should be “Fecund Freddy”. People always get “fertility” and “fecundity” mixed up.

I would have kicked him if not for the arthritis.

I was walking down the street the other day and a mother with a little boy holding her hand came in the opposite direction. The little boy pointed at me and said to his mother “look mommy, it’s an old man!” I’m fucking 59, I’m not Christopher Walken.

For me it’s the heartburn and the hiccups. My mouth and anus can take the hottest peppers in the world, the rest of me really can’t.

A couple of years ago I grew some habanero peppers in my garden. One of the plants had been mislabeled, however, and turned out to be carolina reapers. Eating them didn’t feel like normal hot peppers – it felt like I had been punched hard in the lips.

My problem was always that I don’t need eight fucking croissant rolls at one time. And those things are inedible except when they’re fresh out of the oven. One of the grocery stores near me briefly sold half-sized tubes of them which was great, but the price was higher than the regular size.

It just says use a spoon, it doesn’t say to use the tip. I’ve always pushed the rounded bottom of the spoon against the crease. If you were supposed to use the tip, you could just use a knife.

This was actually John Hamm’s bit, but: nachos seem like a great idea, but you always only get one good nacho, then the rest is either dry chips or a soggy mess.